The Crazy CATS Plays
by ScroogeMcDuck
Summary: Some really random plays written by my best friend and I, based on the musical CATS. This is not meant to be taken seriously, in the slightest. Here's hoping you'll enjoy 'em!
1. Macavity Madness

MaCavity Madness

MaCavity Madness

A CATS Play

**Munkustrap**: I'm gonna be the narrator!

**Tugger: **sniff I was gonna be narrator!

**MaCavity**: Shut up and get to good bit.

**Tugger and Munku**: sigh OK Ok MaCaronni and Cheese!

**MaCavity**: I heard that!

**Munku**: Ok, so it was a normal day in the Jellicle Junkyard when-

**Demeter**: MACAVITY!

**MaCavity**: (runs onstage) Tadah!

**Munku**: According to the script, you two aren't on right now.

**MaCavity and Demeter**: We aren't? (roll eyes and leave)

**Munku**: OK so, it was a normal day in the Jellicle Junkyard when MaCavity came and kidnapped Tugger, Mistofolless and...er...me? Who wrote this thing?

**MaCavity**: (walks on and raises hands) Guilty!

(Nee naw noises)

**MaCavity**: Eep! (runs offstage and is pursued by police cats)

**Munku**: Who's gonna narrate? Tugger and I get kidnapped!

**Old D**: I'll narrate!

**Munku**: OK, we just gotta wait for Tugger and MaCavity and Misto to come!

(MaCavity runs in, followed by Misto and Tugger)

**Tugger, Misto and MaCavity**: Are we late?

**Old D**: Yeah

**MaCavity**: Sorry!

**Old D**: You gotta kidnap Misto, Tugger and Munku, MaCavity!

**MaCavity**: Okie dokie! O evil hencats!

(Evil hencats walk onstage and grab Tugger, Misto and Munku, who scream and are dragged offstage, pursued by MaCavity)

**MaCavity** : MUAHAHAHAHA

**Old D**: OK so...er, back at MaCavity's evil lair, Misto, Munku and Tugger are put in a er.. what is this word Mac?

**MaCavity**: (runs in wearing glasses) It says c-a-d-g-e Mr. D.

**Old D**: And what is a cadge?

**MaCavity**: (groans and slaps paw to forehead) A typo! ARGH!!

**Old D**: So, is it a cage?

**MaCavity**: Yeah, I think so.

**Munku**: What is the meaning of this, you fiend?

**Misto**: Yeah, sticking us in a cage?

**Tugger**: In your evil l-a-i-r-e?

**MaCavity**: (grabs Old D's script) Crazy catnip! Another typo!

**Old D**: Can you type Mac?

**MaCavity**: Er...I don't think so! (sniffs)

**Old D**: You have a line MaCavity.

**MaCavity**: Oh yeah. Er, I put you in that c-a-d-g-e because you deserve it, O Jellicle Twerps!

**Misto**: I have a plan.

**Tugger and Munku**: What?

**Misto**: We ask Old D to help us!

**Old D**: But I'm narrating!

**MaCavity**: But in the script it says, 'Old D goes to help his ugly friends!'

**Old D**: So it does. Ok, who's gonna narrate?

(Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, Griddlebone, Darkpaw, Randomeizer and Cirruss walk in)

**All: **We're here!

**Mungo**: MaCavity's evil minions,

**Rumple**: At your service!

**Griddlebone**: We play cards!

**Darkpaw**: We steal stuff!

**Cirruss**: We are evil!

**Randomeizer**: And we like to pretend to be llama duck pixies!

(All the cats stare at Randomeizer)

**Randomeizer**: Heh heh...OK that wasn't funny was it?

**MaCavity**: No.

**Old D**: So, who's gonna narrate?

**All Minions**: ME!! (wave paws frantically)

**MaCavity**: With my superior intelligence I pick...er...who do I pick?

**All Minions**: ME!! (wave paws frantically)

**Misto**: With my magic powers, I pick Randomeizer!

**All other Minions**: (look dissapointed)

**Randomeizer**: Okie dokie! So...OK here we is. The Jellicle Twerps are in the cage and Misto asks Old D to help them.

**Misto**: Old D, help us.

**Old D** :OK

**Misto**: Can you get us out of here?

**MaCavity**: Nope (grabs Old D and shoves him in cage)

**Old D**: By the name of the Heavyside Layer! We're doomed!

(Bustopher Jones walks in)

**Randomeizer**: But then, help arrived for the Jellicles in form of a certain fat cat by the name of Bustopher Jones!

**Bustopher Jones**: Hello there! And what on earth are you all in a cage for?

**MaCavity**: (hisses) That's not your line!

**Bustopher**: It isn't? (snatches script) Oh, alright my line is: 'I shall save you O Jellicles!'

**Tugger, Munku, Misto and Old D**: OK, so what now?

**Randomeizer**: There's no more script! It's gone! Someone must have stolen it!

(Everyone onstage points at MaCavity)

**MaCavity**: I'm innocent! Really! I have an alibi! You can't prove anything! (crosses arms)

**Bustopher Jones**: Liar! (hits MaCavity with his spoon)

**MaCavity**: Owie! (faints dramatically)

(All MaCavity's minions run offstage, including Randomeizer)

**Bustopher**: (breaks cage with spoon) Aha!

**Tugger, Munku, Misto and Old D**: We're free!

**Bustopher: **So, who's narrating?

**Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer**: (come back on) We will!

**Bustopher**: Read your lines then!

**Mungo and Rumple**: Ok Mr. Bossy! So then, the O So Brilliant MaCavity un-fainted and laughed an evil laugh, then he grabbed Bustophers spoon and hit him and the other Jellicles over their heads, knocking them out. Then he took control of the Junkyard and-

**Everyone Onstage**: WHO WROTE THIS?

**MaCavity**: (raises paws and sighs) Guilty!

(Nee naw noises)

(All cats run offstage except MaCavity)

**MaCavity:** Er...toodle pip?

(runs offstage, chased by Bustopher Jones who is yelling 'THAT'S MY LINE YOU FURBALL! MINE MINE MINE!!')

**THE END**

**By Your Crazy Friend-Cat**


	2. Mungojerrie's Mess Up

Mungojerries Mess Up

**Mungojerries Mess Up**

**A CATS Play**

Old D: I am NOT narrating, not after last time!

Munku: That was the worst play I've ever been in.

Old D: Do I have to narrate? MUST I?

Munku: Yeah, you have to Old D. Sorry!

Old D: Who wrote THIS one?

Munku: sigh MaCavity.

Old D: Here we go again.

(Munku exits, Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, Griddlebone, Randomeizer, Cirruss, Darkpaw and MaCavity enter, carrying sacks of loot)

MaCavity: There it is!

Mungo: What?

MaCavity: Scotland Yard! Look at it, in all it's shiny splendour and-

Randomeizer: (whispers to Cirruss) He's much better in this play!

Cirruss: Yeah! That play was-

MaCavity: Silence minions!

All: Okay bossman.

Mungojerrie: Hey look! points

Rumpleteazer: What?

Mungojerrie: COOKIES!

Griddlebone: WHAT THE? Who wrote this?

(Everyone sighs and looks at MaCavity)

MaCavity: (raises hands) Guilty!

(Nee naw noises)

MaCavity: Eep! (runs offstage)

Old D: The O-So Wonderful boss had left, but Mungojerrie was still creeping towards Scotland Yards cookies!

Mungojerrie: Mmmm...cookies! C'mon guys!

Rumpleteazer and Randomeizer: Okay Mungo!

Old D: Just then, the boss came back with a police hat in his paws and a guilty grin on his face.

MaCavity: Hey, what the heck is going on here?

Griddlebone and Darkpaw: Mungo, Rumple and Randomeizer are messing up boss!

Cirruss: I'm a llamma duck pixie!

MaCavity: Huh?

Cirruss: I'm a llama duck pixie boss! See? (flaps paws)

MaCavity: No, I know that, but why are Mungo, Rumple and Randomeizer going for Scotland Yards cookies?

Old D: While MaCavity and Griddlebone talked and Cirruss pretended to be a pixie, Mungojerrie had grabbed the cookies.

Mungo: I got em! CAREFUL GUYS!

(Mungojerrie wobbles on top of Randomeizer and Rumple)

Rumple: Zowie Mungo! You gotta lose some weight!

Mungo: (sarcastically) That's nice! I'll be sure to remember that when I'm handing out cookies!

Old D: Just then, Officer Tugger strode round the corner, looking ugly as usual-WHO WROTE THIS?

MaCavity: Don't start THAT again!

Old D: Okay!

Rum Tum Tugger: Ello Ello what's going on ere?

MaCavity: Nice police voice Tugger, keep it up!

Tugger: Shut up MaC!

MaCavity: DON'T CALL ME MAC!!

Tugger: OK OK, point taken. Why are those three trying to get the cookies?

Griddlebone: Because they are messing up our evil plan to rob Scotland Yard...oops.

MaCavity and Cirruss: GRIDDLEBONE!!

Griddlebone: (sarcasticlly) SORRY BOSS!

Tugger: So, read any good books lately?

Old D: That's not your line! For goodness sake! MaCavity if you write another one of these stupid plays I'll-

(loud crashes and loads of screaming)

MaCavity: What happened?

(Mungojerrie, Randomeizer and Rumpleteazer emerge from the dust, coughing)

Mungo: We cough got the cookies!

Griddlebone: And?

Mungojerrie: (pulls out a cookie and takes a bite) YUCK!

All: What?

Mungojerrie: RAISIN cookies!

**The End of Another CATS Play**

**By Your Crazy Friend Cat**


	3. MSN Macavity

MSN MaCavity

**MSN MaCavity**

**Yet Another Crazy CATS Play**

Old D: Okay guys, I mean it! I had to narrate the last two stupid plays that MaCavity came up with AND get catnapped! I am NOT narrating!

MaCavity: I don't think we need a narrator for this one Old D!

Old D: (looks happy) You don't? Why?

MaCavity: Look at this! We catnapped an ultra smart computer thing! (pulls out laptop)

Old D: Er...OK then. (leaves)

(Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, Griddlebone, Darkpaw, Randomeizer and Cirruss enter, looking excited)

Mungo: So boss, how do you turn this thing on?

Rumple: You press this button! (presses a red button)

(The computer logs on, an MSN window pops up)

Cirrus and Randomeizer: (together) What in the name of the Heavyside Layer?

Darkpaw: It says MSN Messanger boss!

Griddlebone: Whadda we do now boss?

Mungo: LOOK! (points)

All: OOOH! (eyes widen)

Crazy Catnip says: Hi! You there?

MaCavity: I'm typing! Get outta the way Mungo!

Scotland Yard Rox My Sox says: Yes I'm here! Who the heck are you?

Mungo: LOOK! IT SAYS SCOTLAND YARD

All: (together) ROX MY SOX! AHHHHH!!

Darkpaw: What do we do?

Randomeizer: Aha! Personal Settings!

Crazy Catnip says: Who the heck am I? I'm your friend, Kristina!

Cirruss: Look you can change your MSN name there! Change it boss!

MaCavity: (concentrates) The Mystery Cat! Much better, eh guys?

Rumple: Boss, the convo is flashin'!

MaCavity: Oh, OK!

Mungo: You have a friend called Kristina?

MaCavity: No I don't!

Griddlebone: LEMME TYPE! (shoves MaCavity out of the way)

The Mystery Cat says: MUAHAHAHAHA

Crazy Catnip says: What do you mean by MUAHAHAHAHA Fiona?

All: Who the heck is Fiona?

All: Beats me!

All: Let's stop that now.

All: Okie dokie.

The Mystery Cat says: I have no idea. HAND OVER THE MONEY AND NO ONE GETS HURT!

Cirruss: Who wrote that?

Griddlebone: You should say 'Who TYPED that?'

MaCavity: Whatever.

Randomeizer: Guilty!

Crazy Catnip says: What money Fiona? I have no money on me!

Mungojerrie: I'M TYPING NOW! YAHOOO!

The Mystery Cat says: You don't? THEN HAND OVER THE PEKE!

Crazy Catnip says: What Peke?

Rumpleteazer: I wanna type now!

Cirruss: Me!

MaCavity: ME! I'M THE BOSS AROUND HERE!

All Minions: (sigh) Okay bossman.

The Mystery Cat says: Okay whatever the heck your name is. Hand over all the money and Pekes you got or DIE! I mean it!

Crazy Catnip: I don't get it Fiona. Are you OK?

Cirruss: I'm hungry.

Randomeizer: HEY! I'M THE RANDOM ONE!

Cirruss: I know, but I am hungry!

Rumple: Let's go eat!

(Rumpleteazer, Cirruss and Randomeizer leave)

Mungojerrie: What now boss?

MaCavity: I type.

Darkpaw: NO, ME!!

The Mystery Cat says: Of course I'm OK. I am an evil genius, that's all!

Crazy Catnip says: You are NOT OK!!

The Mystery Cat says: Darkpaw, get off the computer! I'm typing cus I'm the boss!

Crazy Catnip says: 0o

MaCavity: Darkpaw, Griddlebone, Mungojerrie, leave!

(Rumple, Cirruss and Randomeizer come back)

All Minions: We ain't leaving, we want the laptop!

(All cats leap on top of laptop computer, screaming, yelling and scratching)

(BOOM!!)

MaCavity: We should go get a refund!

All Minions: Sue the shop for rubbish computers! YEAH!

(All cats storm out of the secret hideout)

Crazy Catnip says: Fiona? You there? FIONA??

**The End of YET ANOTHER Crazy CATS Play**

**By Your Crazy Friend Cat**


	4. Jellicle High

Guess What

**Guess What...It's a Crazy Cats Play**

**By Your Crazy Feline Friend, Cat**

**Dedicated to Mungojerrie**

**Jellicle High**

Mungojerrie: (slams locker door) Well I must be off to Maths class! (starts walking to Maths)

(Bustopher Jones, who is a teacher, walks down the corridor and crashes into Mungojerrie)

Mungo and BJ: OUCH! GET OFF ME YOU FURBALL!

Mungo: Wait, you're on top of me so our last line doesn't make sense!

BJ: That's true old chap, now why could that be? Maybe it's broken? (hits script with spoon)

(Grizabella walks in, carrying a stack of books)

Griz: I think the script is broken because _someone_ wrote it!

(All cats onstage look offstage, from which evil laughter and crashing can be heard. A few seconds later MaCavity emerges with a whiteboard, on which he's scribbling 'Proffesor BJ looks fat in white spats!)

MaCavity: coughs I'm not guilty!

Griz: Yes you are you nut! You broke the script!

Mungo: Yeah, you wrote it and messed it up!

BJ: AGAIN!

(All cats glare at Mac)

MaC: Whadidido?

ALL: YOU WROTE THE SCRIPT AND MESSED IT UP! AGAIN!

MaC: Oh. (laughs guiltily) Well, I'd better be off to-

(school bell rings)

MaC: Maths! (runs away)

BJ: Oh help, I'm teaching Maths!

Griz: Oh Heaviside! I'm teaching Drama!

Mungo: Oh nuts, I left my Maths books in my locker!

(In Maths class)

BJ: Settle down now class! Today we shall be learning fractoins!

Griddlebone: MaCavity has half a brain sir!

Randomeizer and Cirruss: (together) No, a quarter!

Rumpleteazer: An eighth actually!

Skimbleshanks: (in a Scottish accent) Actually hen I think it'd be a tenth! (grins evilly)

MaC: (throws paper aeroplane at Skimble, which hits him in the eye) He he he!

BJ: SILENCE CLASS! OR I SHALL HIT YOU WITH MY ALMIGHT SPOON OF DEATH!

Cirruss: (whispers to MaCavity) Why did you put him in this play?

MaC: Er...I have no idea! (blinks)

BJ: Rightyho, now that we are settled! (coughs and pulls out a sheet of paper) If Principal D has three mice and MaCavity steals one, how many mice are left?

Rumpleteazer, Randomeizer and Griddlebone: (raise hands) PICK ME PICK ME!

BJ: MaCavity, can you give us the answer?

MaC: Yessir. The answer is: Principal D would still have three mice! Wanna know why?

Skimble: Yes you ninny!

MaC: (throws another paper aeroplane at Skimble which hits him in his other eye) He'd still have three mice because I hate mice so why would I steal them from him?

Mungo: Because you're insane?

BJ: SILENCE CLASS! OR I'LL-

Class: (as one, mumbles) Hit you with my almight spoon of death. (all sigh)

(Bell rings)

BJ: Time for break old chaps! Toodle pip!

(At break, on the playground. Misto is surrounded by MaCavity and his minions)

Misto: You guys, I didn't mean to make Mac's homework disspear in a puff of smoke! It was an accident! Really!

All Minions: Liar Liar Tail On Fire!

MaC: That's not right!

Minions: What ain't right boss?

MaC: It's Liar Liar Pants On Fire!

Minions: Oh, OK.

(Principal D walks over, he's on playground duty)

D: Well, it's nice to see you kids playing nicely!

(MaCavity and Minions put on fake grins, Misto scowls)

D: I heard about what happened earlier in Maths. Nurse Jennyanydots is having to take poor Skimbleshanks to hospital!

(Ambulance siren starts up in the background, Jennyanydots runs across the stage with Skimbleshakns on a strecher)

MaC: AHHHH! A POLICE CAR! (hides behind Mungo, who is hiding behind the other minions)

Minions: POLICE CAR! AHHHH! (run round the stage like crazy chickens)

Misto: Guys, cool it. It's only an ambulance!

Griddlebone: (isn't listening) WHATEVER HAPPENED, I'M NOT GUILTY!

Cirruss: Me either!

Randomeizer: I'M A LLAMA DUCK PIXIE!

(Minions stop running and look at Randomeizer)

Randomeizer: That wasn't funny was it?

Misto and D: Nopeitidoodles.

MaC: Huh?

(Bell rings)

Everyone Onstage: TIME FOR ART!

(In Art Class. Proffesor Demeter hands out paper and pencils)

Demeter: Today class, I want you to draw a picture of something you can see in the classroom. For example, here's a nice bit of catnip you can dr-

MaC: CATNIP!! MINE!! (pounces on the catnip and stuffs it into loot bag)

Demeter: Okay, so the catnips gone. Here's a pretty jewelcase you can dra-

MaC: JEWELCASE!! MINE!! (pounces on jewelcase and stuffs into loot bag)

Demter: Okay, so the jewelcase is gone. Here's a nice picture of a Peke you can copy!

All Minions (except Mungo): PEKE!! MINE!! (all pounce on the picture and start fighting)

Mungo: (turns to Demeter) Sorry about them Miss. MaC had too much catnip for breakfast so he's hyper and Griddlebone had too much coffee and...I dunno about the rest!

Misto: (tugs Demters sleeve) Look at this picture I drew Miss!

Demter: Wow, it's very er...nice. Isn't that a cloud of smoke with fists in it?

Misto: Yep, it's those idiots fighting! See look there's Cirruss's paw, there's Rumpleteazers-

Minions: PORTRAIT OF US!! OURS!!

(Bell rings)

Demeter: Why are these lessons pointless?

Mungo: Beats me.

(Minions stop fighting and Randomeizer hands Demeter and crumpled up and torn picture of a Peke. Then the class walks offstage to the next lesson, Drama)

Griz: Right class. Last week we started learning about musicals. This lesson, we shall be studying a very famous musical that has been running on Broadway for a very long time! It's called Cats!

Everyone: Hang on, we're in that musical! YAY!

Griz: Exactly. I've brought in a video of the musical so we can watch it. Here we go (slots DVD into DVD player, Overture starts up)

Rumple: I wanna get to our bit!

Mungo: Yeah, the Mungojerrie an' Rumpleteazer song!

MaC: Nah, let's go see the bit where I fight Munkustrap! He looked a right wally in that outfit!

Munkustrap (offstage): I heard that!

Misto: Nah, let's watch Mr. Mistofolless!

MaC: No, you foiled my evil plans! We ain't going to watch your song!

Randomeizer: Why don't we watch the MaCavity song and watch Demeter mess up at the end?

Cirruss: We could watch Grizabella The Glamour Cat!

Griz: (hits Cirruss with a book) No.

Griddlebone: LET'S WATCH GROWLTIGERS LAST STAND!

Griz: Growltigers Last Stand was deleted from the video.

Griddlebone: (grabs Griz by the thraot) WHY?!

Griz: (croaks) I...dunno!

Rumpleteazer: (shoves Griddlebone off Griz) Bad kitty! Bad! Down!

Griz: Thanks...Rumpleteazer! (coughs)

Rumple: Yer welcome. Howsabout we just watch The Jellicle Ball?

All: (sigh) OK

(Cats watch the DVD, then the bell rings)

Class: (scream as loud as they can) LUNCHTIME!!

Griz: (calls after them) Next time we're watching Up To The Heavyside Layer! No ifs or buts!

(At lunch)

MaC and minions: (sit down) Misto is insane if he thinks we're going to ever watch his scene!

Griddlebone: (moans) I wanted to watch Growltigers Last Stand!

Randomeizer: Guys, I have a plan! We CAN do Growltigers Last Stand!

All: Huh?

Randomeizer: We perform it! We'll get merits and Griddlebone can actually be in it instead of watching it!

Griddlebone: I was in it! We were in it! That's a musical with US IN IT!

MaC: Oh...I knew that!

Mungo: So, we're gonna perform Growltigers Last Stand?

Rumple: I guess so! Agreed guys?

Griddlebone: (squeals with joy) AGREED!!

(At lunch break. The criminal cats are attempting to perform Growltigers Last Stand, with the aid of the quickly researched poem and Sir Asparagus, The Deputy Head)

Gus: No No NO! In this part of the scene YOU have to fall over and die, okay? I killed you! Then YOU make me walk the plank!

Mac: I do? What fun!

Cirruss: (scratches cotton wool beard) This itches!

Gus: Oh do be quiet! Let's try that part again! And Griddlebone, are you sure you want to carry round that parasol? Why would you need it onboard ship?

Griddlebone: For poking the Siamiese cats that attack us with! I'll demonstrate! (she pokes Mungo, Mungo screams) See? Easy as pie!

Randomeizer: PIE!! Mmmm...where's the pie?

Mungo: (wincing) There is no pie!

Gus: Griddlebone get rid of that parasol! We're going to go down to the theatre now, and do a dress rehearsal! Got that?

MaC and Minions: Yes Sir Gus!

(In the theatre)

Gus: First, I shall read out your names and who you are playing, got that?

All: Yeah.

Gus: First there's me, as Growltiger. Then Griddlebone as Griddlebone, MaCavity as the Siamese army leader, Genghis, Mungo and Rumple part of the Siamese crew and Cirruss and Randomeizer as part of the pirate crew! Is that all alright?

Rumple: No, this beard still itches!

(Curtain closes, audience hears sounds of plastic swords, screams and various cries of 'OW! That was my paw!' and 'Stop that MaCavity! Get the plastic sword away from my tail!' The curtain rises to a scene of chaos. MaCavity is duelling with Griddlebone, plastic sword vs. parasol, Mungo and Rumple are throwing the stage lights at Randomeizer and Cirruss is pulling off her cotton wool beard and attempting to gag Gus who is screaming for them to quit. Unknown to the actors, BJ, Demeter, Principal D, Skimbleshanks and Nurse Jennyanydots have sneaked in to watch.)

Gus: (pulls cotton wool beard off his head) Right! I give up! Like I always say, the theatres not what it was!

Mungo and Rumple: (dance to the front of the stage) An' there's nuthin' at all to be done about that!

BJ, Demter, Principal D, Skimble and Nurse Jenny: (applaud) Bravo Bravo! That was brilliant! Absolutely fantastic!

MaC: I guess it's a good thing I wrote this after all!

Skimble: Yeah...right.

MaC: (throws another paper aeroplane at Skimbleshanks, Skimble ducks and the aeroplane hits Principal D)

Gus: (sings in the background) And I say now these kittens they do not get trained as we did in the days when-

Griz: (walks in and screams) MY THEATRE! MY TEMPLE OF THE ARTS! WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

**The End!**

(High School Musical starts playing) )


	5. Museum Mania

The Sixth Crazy Cats Play

**The Sixth Crazy Cats Play**

**By Cat (duh)**

**Jellicle High-Part 2**

**Crazy Cats Museum Mania **

_Cat: I don't usually do intro's to these plays but I think that this play will need a short explination. This is Part 2 of Jellicle High. Bustopher Jones, the Maths teacher with the giant spoon, decides to take the Crazy Cats and their classmates on a school trip. They end up in a ton of trouble at the museum when MaCavity and The Minions steal all the jewels from ancient times and Skimbleshanks 'accidentally on purpose' locks himself into the Victorian Age Train Room. Enjoy!_

Bustopher Jones: Okie dokie class, let's go!

Class: Go where?

BJ: On the school trip, duh, old beans!

MaC: Where to?

Griddlebone: I hope it's not a tour of Scotland Yard!

Cirruss: Why not?

Griddlebone: Because...er (thinks) I dunno!

Randomeizer: COFFEE! YAHOO!

(All cats stare at Randomeizer)

Randomeizer: What?

BJ: (coughs loudly) We're off to the museum! Hurry up you spuds!

Mungo: What's a spud?

Misto: A spud is a potato, dummy!

Mungo: (looks at MaC) May I do the honours boss?

MaC: Yeppers.

Mungo: (bows and shoves Misto into the luggage compartment on the bus)

Misto: OI! Lemmee outta here!

Rumple: (high fives Mungo) That was wicked!

Mungo: And there's nuthin at all to be done about that!

Griddlebone: A-**HEM **let's get on the bus already!

(All cats get on bus, and are driven to the museum)

MaC: (looks around) Hey look! That sign says they have a jewelery exhibit on floor 50000! Yay!

Other Minions: They have a floor 50000? Long walk!

Skimble: Maybe we're here to walk up all those stairs so Proffeser BJ can loose weight!

BJ: I heard that!

MaC: (looks at other minions with innocent expression on his face) Can we go to the jewelery exhibit? PLEASE!

Griddlebone: It's a long walk and my high heels are killing me! Nu-uh!

MaC: Drat and double drat!

Mungo: (hums 'Don't Lie' by the Black Eyed Peas)

Griddlebone: OK OK I actually do want to go up there! I mean, diamonds are a girls best friend right?

Rumple: (rolls her eyes)

Cirruss: (coughs loudly) We're evil minions Lady G. We're going to a jewelery exhibit! Hello? (she nudges Griddlebone)

Griddlebone: Don't mess with the coat!

Cirruss: Sorry!

Griddlebone: You should be!

Rumple: Guys, where'd MaC go?

Mungo: I think, without us noticing, he ran off to Floor 50000. After all, he wrote the script...AGAIN.

Randomeizer: (puts her head in her hands) Oh crazy catnip!

MaC: (sticks head out of the window of Floor 5000) (yells) I HEARD THAT! THAT'S MY CATCHPHRASE!

Griddlebone: He IS up there! Good work Randomeizer!

Randomeizer: CARROT STICKS!

(All cats roll their eyes and head for floor 5000)

Mungo: OI! Narrator dude! We don't 'head' for Floor 5000, we take the elevator! DURRR!

Narrator Dude and Script Writer Dude (Aka MaCavity): Oh okay! (runs all the way down the stairs, scribbles on the script and runs back up again)

Cirruss: We should chase him up the stairs!

Rumple: But we can't! The script says we go in the elevator now!

All Minions: (yell up the stairs) THANKS A BUNCH MACAVITY!

MaCavity: (yells down the stairs) Your welcome!

(Minions go in elevator and start the journey upwards)

**MEANWHILE:**

(The rest of the class are looking round the museum with BJ and the tour guide)

Tour Guide: And this is the Victorian Age Exhibit! Here we have lots of Victorian artifacts, including a steam train exhibit. If you'd like to head this way!

Skimble: NOOO! MUST SEE THE TRAIN EXHIBIT!

BJ: Very well old bean. Off you go!

Skimble: (enters the train room) WOW. THIS IS SO COOL! (hums Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat as he climbs aboard the train)

(Just then, he hears a loud click!)

Skimble: Oh dearie me! It would appear I've locked myself in!

**Back with BJ and the rest of the class:**

Jemima: Excuse me Proffesor BJ?

BJ: Yes Jemima, what is it?

Jemima: I'm hungry sir! Can we eat soon?

BJ: Right after we've seen the jewelery exhibit on Floor 5000! Now where could young Mr. Shanks be?

_**DUN DUN DUN! (dramatic music starts up)**_

**Back on Floor 5000:**

MaC: (sticks claw into glass case like a glass cutter and twirls it expertley in a circle) Tum de dum dum...

(Minions arrive. They see MaC, surrounded by sacks filled with the visibly rare and expensive contents of the exhibit!)

Rumple: Boss, what are you doing?

MaC: Stealing the exhibit, why?

Rumple: (shouts) BECAUSE IT'S COOL! LET'S GO GIRLS!

(All the minions help MaC with the rest of the cases, when, suddenly...)

BJ: I say! How did you lot get here before us?

Jemima: And what are you doing to the exhibit?

Tour Guide: (pulls out walkie talkie) Security, this is the Tour Guide. The jewelery exhibit is being stolen, repeat, stolen!

Griddlebone: Oh great! Security guards!

Randomeizer: BANGERS AND MASH!

BJ: That's right old bean I do like bangers and mash!

MaC: LOOK OUT MINIONS!!

(Security guards run in with stun guns or whatever it is they have)

Security Guard 1: Put your hands in the air and don't move!

Security Guard 2: Actually, hand over the exhibit first!

Mungo: We can't lift up this room can we?

Minions and MaC: Nope.

Security Guard 1: Stop being silly and hand it over! All of it!

Cirruss: But we CAN lift up you!

Security Guards: Huh?

(Action sequence takes place. MaCavity and the minions grab the security guards and throw them out of the room. BJ, Jemima and the Tour Guide are screaming etc. MaCavity and Mungojerrie run back inside the exhibit and grab the sacks of loot. The tour guide grabs MaC. MaC stands on her foot and makes a break for it with the other minions!)

Tour Guide: Catch them!

BJ: OK. How do we do that again?

**MEANWHILE:**

(Back in the Train Exhibit)

Skimble: I might as well find a way outta here!

(Skimble walks over to the door, which swings open to reveal the action scene now happening! MaCavity and the minions dash across the tiles, sacks in paws, pursued by the now un-fainted security guards, the tour guide, Jemima and Proffesor BJ!)

Skimble: Cool! A movie!

BJ: Come on old bean! Help us catch the criminals!

Skimble: (hums 'Catch The Pigeon' and joins the chase)

MaC: Can't-run-any-more!

Griddlebone: I thought you were supposed to be The Napoleon of Crime!

MaC: I am! I'm just out of breath!

Griddlebone: (rolls eyes)

Mungo: Hey look! The bus!

Rumple: Hey look! The bus is painted blue!

Cirruss: Huh?

MaC: Get on minions! I'll drive!

Randomeizer: ROAD TRIPS! YAAAAAY!

Griddlebone: Er MaC, you can't drive!

BJ: They're getting on the school bus! Hurry Skimble, get that cat away from the steering wheel!

Skimble: My pleasure! (runs onto the bus and he and MaC start fighting)

MaC: Mungo, take the wheel!

Mungo: It appears to have been taken already.

MaC: Huh?

(The wheel has dissapeared!)

Rumple: That's stupid! Who wrote this?

MaC: (is punched by Skimble) Don't OW start that!

Rumple: Sorry boss!

MaC: Quit messing around and -choke- help! (gasps for breath)

Skimble: Let go of the steering wheel MaCavity!

MaC: I did! It's gone already!

(Jemima and Proffesor BJ run onto the bus. BJ pulls Skimble off MaC and plonks him in a seat)

BJ: Bad kitty! Sit boy!

Cirruss: Er...OK?

(Minions and MaC resume their seats, still clutching the loot)

Randomeizer: Thanks sir! That was a great trip! When can we go again?

Misto: (still in luggage compartment, stares at steering wheel) Drat it! I still haven't learn't how to make the bus fly!

**THE END!**


	6. The Switch Dun Dun Dun

Crazy Cats 7

**Crazy Cats 7**

**By Cat (aka MaCavity)**

**The Switch (DUN DUN DUNN!)**

(MaCavity and minions enter)

Cirruss: Hey look you guys!

Rumple: What?

Darkpaw: Look, there's a big red button!

MaCavity: PRESS IT PRESS IT PRESS IT!

Mungo: (puts a paw over MaCavity's mouth to shut him up)

Randomeizer: I wanna push the button!

Griddlebone: What the heck, I'll push the button.

Cirruss: I'm the one who saw it, therefore I should get to push it!

MaCavity and all other minions except Randomeizer: (sigh) AGREED. Now push it already.

Randomeizer: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiny no-

(Cirruss pushes the button, there's a flash of green light and the stage goes dark)

Mungo: I BLAME MISTOFOLLESS FOR ALL OF THIS!

MaCavity: Shut up already boss!

Griddlebone: CARROT STICKS!

Cirruss: What the heck happened? Everyone's acting like everyone else!

Darkpaw: NEE NAW NEE NAW!

Mungo: (screams) Scotland Yard! Run my minions run!

MaCavity: Fwee!

Randomeizer: THIS IS WAR! THIS IS WAR!

Rumple: I am OFFICIALLY freaked out.

(News Reporter dude walks in carrying a microphone.) 'Ahem. We interrupt this pointless play to give you, the reader, a very important announcment. When Cirruss pushed the red button, all the crazy cats souls were switched. MaCavity is acting like Mungojerrie, Mungojerrie as MaCavity, Griddlebone as Randomeizer, Randomeizer as Griddlebone, Rumpleteazer as Darkpaw, Darkpaw as Cirruss and Cirruss as Rumpleteazer! Confusing huh? (walks off)

Rumple: MACAVITY GIVE THAT BACK!

Mungo: Not guilty!

Rumple: You stole my locker key!

Darkpaw: Where did you get a locker key from?

MaCavity: Crazy Cats 5, Jellicle High

Griddlebone: You're so good at remembering stuff like that Mungo!

MaCavity: I know! (bows)

Randomeizer: Boss, did you hide my parasol from Crazy Cats 5? I want to poke something!

Cirruss: Er guys, don't you get it! We're all mixed up!

(Lights come back on so we can see what the heck is going on. Ciruss paces up and down, she is almost unaffected by the red buttons powers)

Cirruss: Let's see now. Boss?

Mungo: Yeah?

Cirruss: Ok, so MaCavity is Mungojerrie (scribbles this down in a notebook) Mungojerrie?

MaCavity: Wassup?

Cirruss: Ok so..(scribbles)

Griddlebone: Carrot sticks!

Ciruss: (continues scribbling until she's sorted out who is who) OK, so, we need to press the button and get ourselves back to normal!

Mungo: Since when was Rumpleteazer so smart?

Rumple: OI!

MaCavity: The buttons powers are wearing off!

Griddlebone: APPLE PIE, RUBBER DUCKS, MOO LIKE FRED, CLUCK LIKE CHUCK!

MaCavity: I spoke too soon!

Darkpaw: Too right Mungojerrie!

Randomeizer: As the official sane minion around here, I agree!

Mungo: (lies down and looks asleep)

Griddlebone: LOOK! THE BOSS DIED! (wails dramactically)

Randomeizer: Oh. My. Goodness. I broke a nail!

Darkpaw; Shuddup Griddlebone!

MaCavity: (pokes Mungojerrie, Mungojerrie leaps up and grabs MaCavity and soon the two are fighting)

Rumple: And so it's boss and minion in a fight to the death! Who will win? Which one is which anyway?

Griddlebone: GO CAKE GO CAKE GO CAKE GO!

(There is a flash of green light, the stage goes dark)

MaCavity: I BLAME HENRY THE EIGHTH FOR ALL OF THIS!

Mungo: Shut up already boss, I mean it!

Griddlebone: FINALLY! I am back to being my sane self!

Darkpaw: Sane?

Ciruus: Do be quiet you two!

Rumple: Hey look! I have Darkpaws locker key! What the heck is going on?

Randomeizer: LLAMA DUCK PIXIE BUDDIES!

MaCavity: Well, now we're all back to normal, we could er... (thinks)

Randomeizer: PRESS THE BUTTON AGAIN!

MaCavity: No.

Darkpaw: (grins evilly and pushes the button)

THE END OF YET ANOTHER CRAZY CATS PLAY BY CAT!


	7. This Is Halloween

Crazy Cats 8

**Crazy Cats 8**

**By Cat (Fear my insanity!)**

**Crazy Cats Halloween**

MaCavity: Ok guys, it's the 31rst of October! Which means?

Mungo: (sighs)

Randomeizer: (runs in) IT'S HALLOWEEN!

Griddlebone: And that means we get to go steal candy from everyone!

Darkpaw: Including babies!

Rumple: And Pekes and Pollicles!

Cirruss: Not to mention Scotland Yard!

Mungo: Who're you gonna dress up as boss?

MaC: Dress up as?

Griddlebone: You mean you don't get it?

MaC: Get what?

Darkpaw: On Halloween you dress up as someone or something so no-one recognizes you then you go round stealing candy!

Cirruss: You ASK for candy. You don't steal it.

MaC: Drat.

Rumple: We need to decide what the boss is gonna be!

MaC: Why?

Mungo: Because you're coming with us! I don't believe YOU of all people, The Napoleon Of Crime and all, have never been Trick or Treating!

MaC: That's wrong.

Darkpaw: What is bossman?

MaC: Mungo said you of all people! I'm a CAT.

Griddlebone: Excuse me but who cares? You wrote this anyway!

MaC: Did not!

Griddlebone: Did to!

MaC: IT WAS MISTOFOLLESS! HAPPY NOW?

Misto: (walks in dressed as a police officer) I didn't write this stupid thing! You did!

MaC: (screams) A POLICEMAN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (runs offstage)

Misto: (coughs loudly) Trick or treat?

Randomeizer: CANDY! (grabs Misto's candy bag and eats all the candy)

Misto: Oh sizzling sparkplugs! You ate all my candy!

MaC: (runs back in) You mean you didn't save some for me?

Randomeizer: (giggles) Nope!

MaCavity: D'oh!

Darkpaw: I HAD AN IDEA!

(aquward silence)

Rumple: (imitates Darkpaw) I had an idea!

(Mungo copies Rumpleteazer, they both burst out laughing)

Darkpaw: Quit it you clowns! The boss could dress up as Homer Simpson!

MaC: Are. You. INSANE??

Darkpaw: (doesn't notice MaC is angry) And some of us could be Bart, Lisa, Marge and stuff!

Griddlebone: But I was going to be a fairy princess! (fluffs up fur)

Mungo: I'm going to be Supergirl! I have these shiny boots, see? (pulls boots out of bag)

MaC: (gets a crazy look in his eye) DID YOU SAY SHIIIIINY?

Mungo: Oops.

(MaCavity grabs Mungo's boots, stuffs them into a random loot bag that happens to be lying around and walks off, hugging them)

Rumple: That was the stupidest thing you've ever done mate.

Cirruss: Apart from the raisin cookie thing!

Griddlebone: That was funny!

Mungo: Guys, where's Randomeizer?

(crashing and yelling can be heard offstage, seconds later Randomeizer returns with Mungo's boots, which are full of candy)

Randomeizer: Trick Or Treat?

Darkpaw: What did you do to the boss?

Randomeizer: Well, he wouldn't hand over the boots so I said 'Well, you ain't giving me a treat, so I'm giving you a trick' and I gave him a rubber spider and ran off!

Rumple: When you trick people you're meant to trick them, not give them rubber spiders!

MaC: (creeps back in and puts rubber spider on Griddlebone's hat)

Cirruss: Griddlebone, there's something on your hat!

Griddlebone: REALLY? IS IT RAINING MONEY? DO I HAVE A MILLION POUNDS ON MY HAT?

Cirruss: (backs away) Er...no.

Griddlebone: (pulls off her hat and sees the rubber spider) EEEK! MISTOFOLLESS!

Misto: What?

Griddlebone: You put that spider on my hat didn't you?

Misto: No, I didn't have a spider!

(pause)

Mungo: It must've been the boss!

Rumple: Yeah, Randomeizer gave him a rubber spider!

MaC: (comes back in, dressed as Homer Simpson) Trick Or Treat?

All Minions: No way.

MaC: D'oh!

**THE END!**


	8. Fah lah lah lah

Crazy Cats 9

**Crazy Cats 9**

**A Crazy Cats Christmas**

Randomeizer: (runs in wearing a Santa hat) Deck the halls with boughs of tinsel fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah!

MaC: It's money, not tinsel!

Randomeizer: OK! Deck the halls with boughs of money fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah!

Rumple: That don't sound right! Try llamas!

Randomeizer: What the heck, OK. Deck the halls with boughs of llamas fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah!

Cirruss: (sighs dramatically) You GUYS! It's obviously baubles!

Randomeizer: Deck the halls with boughs of baubles fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah!

Darkpaw: (slaps paw to forehead) It's turkeys!

Randomeizer: (sighs and continues) Deck the halls with boughs of turkeys fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah!

Mungo: (yells) WHY DON'T YOU NUTCRACKERS TRY HOLLY?

Randomeizer: (hums the Nutcracker song)

Mungo: (sighs) Forget it!

(Griddlebone enters, covered in Christmas lights and tinsel)

MaC: Nice outfit!

Griddlebone: For your information, I was trying to decorate!

MaC: Oh. (giggles) Right.

Mungo: Look guys! Shiny stuff!

Cirruss: Where?

Darkpaw: Griddlebone, look out!

Rumple: Too late!

(Everyone pounces on Griddlebone in a frenzy to get at the tinsel and fairy lights)

Griddlebone: Gerroff me you idiots!

Mungo: Do we SCARE you? (manic laughter)

Griddlebone: (frees herself from tinsel and fairy lights) Yes.

MaC: SHIIINY STUFF! ALL MINE! (gathers all shiny things and stuffs them into a loot bag and runs off)

Griddlebone: That was random!

Randomeizer: No it wasn't! As an expert in randomosity I hereby declare that statement as un-random. Thank you for your co-operation!

(All stare incredulously at Randomeizer)

Randomeizer: Deck the halls with boughs of holly fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah!

MaC: (comes back, grinning evilly) I have an evil plan!

Minions: What?

MaC: We kidnap Santa Claws and get all the presents for ourselves!

Cirruss: Santa CLAWS? I thought it was Santa Claus!

MaC: Inside my head is a SCARY place.

Mungo: I thought as much!

Rumple: Um, guys? Kidnapping SANTA? Are you insane?

Griddlebone: (jerks thumb in MaCavity's direction) He is!

MaC: Oh do be quiet!

Darkpaw: Stop with the posh accent already!

Rumple: Oh do shut up!

Darkpaw: OI!

MaC and Rumple: WHAAT?

Cirruss: Guys? I have a better idea!

MaC: Humph.

Cirruss: We wait till Santa has brought all the presents and then sneak around all the houses and nick the stuff! That way we won't have to kidnap Santa and all those goat...deer...deerthingymabobs he has with him!

Mungo: Like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas!

Griddlebone: I love that movie!

MaC: I loved the book!

Darkpaw: (says in a disbelieving tone) You can READ?

MaC: Oh do shut up!

Rumple: GUYS? Are we or aren't we gonna steal Christmas?

All: (pretend to think) YEAH!

(Christmas Eve. Santa has been and gone, and the criminal masterminds (yeah right!) begin their Christmas night raid)

MaC: Bah peppermint! This snow is freezing!

Rumple: What do you expect? It's snow!

MaC: Oh do-

Darkpaw: Shut up! Let's get a move on!

(They arrive at Bustopher Jones' house and climb the roof, then they all fall down the chimney)

All: OUCH!

BJ: (yawns and mutters in his sleep) Mmm, pizza...

Randomeizer: PRESSIES! (stuffs presents into a loot bag)

(Next they come to Grizabellas house)

Griddlebone: I can tell, by the shape of that present, Santas been giving out lipstick! (grabs Grizabellas Christmas stocking and stuffs into loot bag)

(They get to Skimble's house, Skimble has no idea that Santa has already been, the daft laddie!)

Skimble: Mum, I wanna stay up fer Santa coming doon our chimney!

Skimble's Mum: Nonsense ye wee bairn! Inta bed with ye!

(But what has become of the crazy cats? They're stuck in the chimney of course!)

Griddlebone: AHH! There's soot on my hat!

Randomeizer: Guys, shuddup!

Skimble: Did ye hear that maw?

Skimble's Mum: It was probably Santa! Hurry up an' get to bed or he won't come!

(Skimble gets into bed and instantly falls asleep)

MaC: That was close!

Mungo: Uh oh! I think I'm gonna-

(Mungo sneezes and all the crazy cats fall out of the chimney and into Skimble's room)

Darkpaw and Cirruss: Look, a model train set!

Randomeizer: Go figure!

MaC: Stop talking and dissassemble it!

Rumple: Why? (makes train noises and plays with train set)

(MaC grabs the train set, stuffs it into his loot bag and he and the minions climb back up the chimeny and go home, after looting the whole street)

Darkpaw: That's enough loot to be getting on with, eh guys?

Mungo: BJ got too much stuff! (staggers)

(They reach the evil minion buddy HQ)

Cirruss: Ok guys, present time!

MaC: YIPPEE!

Mungo and Rumple: Look at all this...STUFF! Fwee!

Griddlebone: Hooray! Mascara!

Randomeizer: TRAIN SET! WOOHOO!

(After about ten minutes, MaC stops eating BJ's Christmas pudding and makes an announcement)

MaC: Um, guys? I hate to tell you this but, it's not right that we stole all this stuff!

Minions: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??

Rumple: Misto's taken over his mind! (pulls creepy faces)

MaC: No it's not that, it's just that...you don't want coal do you? If you're bad y'get coal, not presents! I say we give all the stuff back!

Mungo: Yesseriebob, he is showing certain signs of stupidity, idiocy and un-MaCavity-ness! This is SERIOUS Dr. Rumpleteaza!

Cirruss: He has a point, I don't want coal!

MaC: Well, if you guys want coal then so be it, I'm taking this stuff back!

Minions: We're coming with ya boss! We don't want coal!

(Minions and MaC take all the presents back to their rightful owners, go back to Minion HQ and go to sleep)

(Meanwhile, up in the sky...)

Santa: Oh dear! I've forgotten that building entitled Minion Buddy HQ! Silly me!

Rudolph: Tsk tsk! Mince pies can do that to a person y'know!

Santa: C'mon you lot, lets go give them their presents!

Comet: Oh all right! But let's make it quick, my hooves're getting tired!

(Santa Claus and Co. deliever the presents and fly off. Christmas day dawns)

Griddlebone: (rips open a box) MASCARA! Just what I always wanted!

Randomeizer: TRAIN SET! WOOHOO!

MaC: TINSEL! YAY!

Mungo: An iPod! Shweet!

Cirruss: Why don't we sing some Christmas songs to get us in the spirit?

All: Deck the halls with boughs of tinsel, money, llamas, baubles, turkeys and holly fah lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah LAAAAH!

**The End**

**Merry Christmas, dear readers, and a Happy Mew Year!**

**Geddit, MEW Year?**

**shuts up**


End file.
